Before you talk
- Get on the same page with siblings. Agree on what you've seen and what you're hoping for. Mom will notice if you're split.
- Pick the right moment. Not during a crisis, not at a holiday table, not when she's tired.
- Know a little about the options. In-home help, assisted living, and independent living are very different. Skim our overview so you can answer basic questions.
How to open it
Start with her, not the plan. Some openers families tell us work:
- "What's been the hardest part of the house lately?"
- "If something happened, what would you want us to do?"
- "I worry about you being alone when there's a hurricane. Can we talk about a plan?"
Then listen. Most parents' biggest fear is losing control over their own lives. Make it clear she's making the decision.
What to avoid
- Ultimatums, unless safety truly requires it
- Calling it "a home" if she's picturing a 1970s nursing home; describe what it is
- Making the decision for her in a meeting she didn't know about
- Expecting a yes the first time
Keep it going
Suggest one small, low-stakes step: lunch at a community, a short respite stay, or a video tour from her couch. Many parents change their minds once they see what it actually looks like. If she refuses outright, read when Mom refuses to move. An advisor can also join the conversation; it sometimes helps to hear it from someone who isn't family.